on the visions of goodbye

"beyond the night sky, tomorrow is already waiting."

THE ONE ON THE ETERNAL MADNESS

IN A FEW DAYS, HE WILL BE COMING BACK. I AM MORE THAN AFRAID TO SEE HIM BEFORE ME AND KNOW INSIDE THAT I CANNOT HAVE HIM. IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN A VICIOUS CYCLE COMING IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE AS IF IT'S THAT EASY TO HAVE HIM FOR A WHILE AND LET GO EVERY TIME. IS IT EMBARRASSING THAT I CRY WHEN I THINK OF US SEPARATED AND LONELY IN OUR OWN HOMES, SHOOTING QUESTIONS AT STARS HAVING NO ANSWERS AT ALL? I SPENT MY DAYS WITHOUT THE CERTAINTY OF ANYTHING DOING THINGS WITHOUT SECOND THOUGHTS. MAYBE BECAUSE OF THIS I HAVE EXPERIENCED MUCH PAIN OR MAYBE BECAUSE OF THIS IVE EXPERIENCED HOW IT IS TO LIVE. WELL LIFE I SUPPOSE THERE ARE NO CERTAINTIES TO IT. NO ONE HAS EVER KNOWN WHERE HE WAS GOING UNTIL HE GOT THERE. PERHAPS IT IS THROUGH JOURNEYING TO ALL THESE UNCERTAINTIES THAT WE SOMEHOW GET TO A CERTAIN POINT, AND THAT IS A GOOD DEAL BETTER THAN HAVING IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND DON'T YOU THINK? I'D SAY I HAD GONE THROUGH SO MUCH AND HAD SURVIVED BECAUSE OF A DREAM. I SPENT MY DAYS WITH THE DREAM OF HIM.

"I CAN'T MEASURE HOW MUCH PAIN I'VE GONE THROUGH WHEN HE LEFT. IT HAD BEEN A SILENT KIND OF PAIN ALL THIS TIME. BUT IT HAD BEEN GROWING INSIDE OF ME, AND I CAN HEAR IT EVERY TIME I AM ALONE. IN THE HEART, IN THE MIND, SCREAMING. IVE NEVER FELT SO WEAK. WHEN HE COMES BACK I WILL COMPENSATE FOR ALL MY SHORTCOMINGS AND EVEN IF IT IS FUTILE SINCE HE IS LEAVING ME AFTER ALL, I KNOW IT WILL GIVE ME PEACE AND WITH THAT ILL BE ABLE TO MOVE ON. MOVE ON AND WAIT IF EVER THAT'S POSSIBLE. I WILL LEAVE THIS CHAPTER OPEN AND THIS COULD BE A NEVER ENDING STORY FOR ALL I CARE. HE SAYS MOVE ON AND NEVER COME BACK. WELL I'M NOT SURE OF ANYTHING AT ALL, BUT AS OF THE DAY WE MET UP TO THIS DAY AND UNTIL MY FUTURE COMES, I KNOW THAT THOUGH HE IS GONE HE IS NEVER LOST. NOR WILL HE EVER BE JUST A FRAGMENT OF MY PAST. HE WILL ALWAYS LIVE IN MY DREAMS AND MY TEARS WILL NEVER DRY UP FOR HIM"

I REMEMBER SAYING THIS BEFORE. BUT EVEN TODAY, THIS IS STILL WHAT MY HEART WHISPERS.

"CUANDO DE AMOR NO ES LOOCURA NO ES AMOR." IT IS SAID THAT WHEN LOVE ISN'T MADNESS, IT ISN'T LOVE. HE HAS RETURNED. AND MAY IT BE KNOWN TO YOU... THAT HE IS MY ONLY MADNESS.